What Edward Cullen Will Never Do
by oXXb00kw0rmXXo
Summary: Bella wants to know what Edward can't do. But Edward can do everything, right? Maybe not... Read for more details! Fluff galore!
1. what Edward Cullen Will Never Do

**Yeah, another plot bunny. Luckily, this was a little one! Hope you guys like it- when the list comes up, number 1 was just something that I hate on fanfiction. But that's personal opinion, I just don't think it can/will happen. Even Edward isn't that great!**

**Mike is very annoying. That is why he is in here with his part.**

**This takes place during Eclispe- forget that he proposed in New Moon. Forget about it completely! He never proposed! Not here at least!**

**Diclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I am only Stephenie Meyer in my dreams ( but since I barely remember those, that means never)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Look, are you going to the dance with any one? Because, well, I was wondering if you wanted to come with…me," Mike said over the phone. I groan inwardly and turned to Edward. _Help_, I mouthed desperately, but he just doubled over in silent laughter. Stupid, strong, shiny Volvo owning vampire…

"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you? _I have a boyfriend!_ And I'm pretty sure that Edward doesn't want me going to the dance with another guy!" I practically screamed into the phone.

"So… does that mean that if it weren't for Edward, you'd go out with me?" I groaned out loud this time. Now I would have to talk to him like he was three.

"Mike, I have a boyfriend! I am _not_ available! So don't ask me again! I love Edward and I do not want to go out with you- _ever!_" I screamed.

"Oh," he said in a small voice, before brightening up. "Well, if Edward happens to be busy that day, just give me a call!" He hung up the phone with a click. I turned to Edward, who was currently recovering. Laughing fit had ceased and now he wore the "concerned boyfriend" face.

"Bella, honey, I'm sorry, but that was hilarious!" I struggled to keep his face. I glared at the phone before taking a deep breath.

"Can you kill Mike Newton? Actually, can you kill the entire male population of Forks High School?" He grimaced at the image and shook his head no.

"For one thing, Mike Newton's blood isn't very appetizing. Actually, it makes me lose my appetite. For another, your dad already wants to kill me for being your boyfriend- I don't need to give him another reason to hate me." I walked around Edward to plop down on the couch angrily. Suddenly, he was sitting beside me, stroking my hair.

"Please?"

"Bella, that's one thing I can't do." My eyes flew wide and a grin slowly spread across my face.

"There are things that Edward Cullen _can't_ do?" I asked, excited. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and nodded his head.

"Yeah, a few. Why do you-"

"Make a list of them for me!" I insisted. The look on his face was bewildered. Well, why wouldn't it be? I had asked him to make a list of your faults.

"I'll give it to you later." He promised, settling me down again. "No wonder Alice forced me to write that on the way to our last camping trip." I laughed- that was just like Alice.

He left a list on my window sill, just as I was waking up.

* * *

**Things Edward Cullen Can't and/or Will Never Do (**_**with commentary by Alice)**_

1. I can't turn off my power. And people can't block me either, no matter how hard they try! _However, they can keep him from finding out their thoughts by always doing something annoying when he's in the room. Say... singing bad songs in their head, translating things like the Constitution… you get my point. Or you could be Bella, but we have enough of those!_

2. I won't live without Bella._ Oh, how sweet… but Edward? You're already dead. _I meant exist! _That's better._

3. I can't suddenly fall in love with Tanya. _Aww, come on Edward, we know you used to like her! _Did not! _Did too! _Did not! _Did too! I saw a vision of you guys getting married! _That was three decades ago! _So?_

5. I can't and will never have a soul. _Edward, how many times to I have to say it? YOU HAVE A SOUL! _No I don't! _Do too! _Don't! _Do too! _Don't! _DO TOO! _Okay, I'm scared now… why did you just punch your husband while yelling at **me?**

6. I won't and can't kill Mike Newton and the rest of the male population in Forks. _Sorry, Bella, I know you want him to. But would Forks include Jacob Black? He would do that no problem! _I WOULD NOT! _Would too! _Would- I'm not even going to get into this argument again!

7. I can't and will never stop loving Bella Swan. Actually, I was thinking about changing that… I want this number to say "Stop loving Bella Cullen." And soon. _Hint, hint! He just PROPOSED! _I think she'll understand that, Alice! _Just in case she doesn't… so, is it yes? JUST SAY YES WOMAN! _Don't pressure her Alice! _I'm not!_ Are too! _Are not! _Are too! _Are not! _Are too! _Are not! _Give me the pen Alice! Well, anyhow, that proposal was terrible and corny, but I don't think Bella will ever see it, so I have time to think of something better. Right, Alice? Alice, why'd you leave me in the car! And- open the doors you idiot!

PS This paper is ripped because Alice Cullen locked the door of the Volvo and I had to use it to bribe her into opening it. She thinks I'm going to give it to Bella… my sister is insane, isn't she?

* * *

I laughed and stuck the list in my pocket. Then I headed off to school.

* * *

"Hello, my love," Edward said, sweeping down to peck me on the cheek. "How are you today?"

"I'm good, and you?" I asked, trying to sound casual and thoroughly failing.

"Hi, Bella! Did you like Edward's list? We were bored on the car ride to Colorado, so I made him write it!" Alice was smiling slyly, her eyes darting towards my pocket.

"Oh, yes, I loved it! But Edward- where's my ring? I mean, if I'm to be Bella Cullen, I need a ring!" I smiled at Edward. I had made my decision on the way to school- who cares what my mother thinks? Okay, I do care, but I would deal with that later, _after _I had teased Edward for a while.

"Right here," he said, pulling a ring with a pearl on the center out of his pocket. "I take it you say yes?"

I pulled him in for a kiss and he chuckled.

"I take that as a yes. But just so you know, I really wasn't intending on you seeing that."

"I know. But now there's one more thing I need to ask you…" I stepped back and looked at him in awe. "When am I being changed?"

"That, my dear," he purred, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Is something I will never do. That and kill Mike Newton for you."

"Hey Bella!" I heard a familiar voice yell from a distance. Edward eyes turned black in an instant.

"We'll see about that," I grinned before walking off to class.

* * *

**Hope you guys liked it! Oh, isn't Mike annoying? I had to put him in though- I mean Tyler already was humiliated in Twilight! Besides, Mike is more annoying. This was really fun to write, and even more fun to share with you guys **_Aww, this is Alice again. Isn't that so sweet? _Alice, get out of bookworm's AN! _No! _Yes! _No! _Yes! _No! _**Alright, I'll let them fight that out. But before that, please give feedback! I love feed- Alice, get off of Edward! No, stop fighting! Edward, how come you won't kill Mike, but you'll try and destroy your sister? No, stop it now! You're ruining my room! Gotta go pull them off eachother, bye and thanks for reading!**


	2. Moving Onward!

**Ok guys. Here's a list of things I was not _planning _on doing.**

**1) Continuing this story (but since you all loved it)**

**2) Coming up with an actual plot for this story! Oh no, now it's going to drive me nuts.**

**Okay, so I need ideas for things like what Jake will never do, Charlie (i do have most of that though) and any character you would find funny. I will TRY and incorporate as many as possible. I am also going to stick in comments like Alice's. You guys enjoyed it a lot and I loved writing it in. I don't know how often I will be able to, but try as I might!**

**Oh, and with the list, many of you pointed out to me- I missed a number. Oopsie! I rearranged some stuff and messed up the numbers! I was trying to get all the Alice/Edward arguing together!**

Thanks! Please don't expect too many too quickly- I am doing two other stories! But either way- DO EXPECT MORE CHAPTERS! I have a few planned, I just need to figure out how to get the list in there... hmm... next up- Charlie Swan! Preview? Well, okay! I haven't determined the number on the list yet, but when I actually get down to it I will.

_I can't shoot my daughter's boyfriend. Luckily for me, it's NOT her boyfriend I want to shoot. It's her fiance. Where did I put tha thing...?_

_**changed my mind. MIGHT be Angela, Lauren, Jessica, or Mike. Might. But that will be there eventually!**_


	3. What Jessica Stanley Will Never Do

**Finally! Finished Jessica and getting a plot now! It's basically scenarios from now until the wedding, all involving a list of what they will never do. I think it'll turn out pretty funny... especially if Charlie's next!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. Do not sue. ALSO: Please do not sue if you are tramautized from being in Mike and Jessica's minds. It is essential to the humor of the plot. **

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Jessica POV

"Ohmigawd, Jess! Did you hear?" Lauren ran through the halls, trying to catch up with me. "Edward Cullen just proposed to _Bella Swan!_"

"He did not!" I insisted. I was thoroughly shocked. Proposed? They hadn't even graduated!

"Did too!"

"He couldn't!"

"He _did!_"

"But-" I was interrupted by the annoying, little Alice Cullen,

"He did! Hi, Jessica, Lauren, sorry to interrupt, but I know that Bella wouldn't announce it, so I'm doing it for her!" She was jumping up and down, up and down, very excited about this. "Bella is even going to let me plan the wedding!" Just then, said girl came tripping through the halls with Edward by her side, simply holding her up before she hit the ground.

He was _so_ caring and kind and hot! I wish I had someone like him, instead of stupid Mike Newton! And he chose Bella Swan of all people! I wonder who their kids will take after… they better hope it's Edward.

"Alice!" Bella screamed when she finally got to our little meeting. "What have you been telling people?"

"Relax, darling, she's just telling people that we're getting married," Edward comforted. He was so dreamy when he used words like "darling!" Nobody even uses it anymore, but it's sounds so great when he says it. Edward smirked at me, looking like he was holding in laughter. "Besides, it's common knowledge. Mike Newton saw me propose. We were in front of the school!"

"I won't relax, Edward Cullen! Not until Alice stops saying that she's planning the wedding!" Bella stomped her foot on the ground. Edward stared back at her with wide eyes. 

"Um, Bella, are you okay? You're seeming kind of… well, not yourself." Edward pulled her close as she glared and suddenly her annoyed expression turned to a happy, blissful one. "And, I hate to say it since it was originally Jacob's words, but... I thought that girls only stopmed their feet on TV."

"Whoa, mood swings!" Lauren whispered in my ear. I leaned back to reply, "Think she's pregnant or something?" Lauren looked shocked, but turned her eyes to Bella. Her shirt _did_ bulge out a little.

"Wow, this engagement is really sudden," I stated, trying to weasel the real reason out of her. "Any particular reason? I mean, you're so young!"

"None other than the fact that we love each other," Edward said, smiling at Bella with a look of love in his eyes. It was disgusting- not the look, but how he was looking at her and not _me!_

"Though your proposal could have been a little more romantic!" Alice chided, laughing. "I mean, you give her a list of things you won't do and one of them is stop loving Bella Swan. And then in that you propose!"

"Hey, you made me give that to her! I was trying to think up something else, but you didn't give me time!" Edward glared at his sister. "Besides, I had already proposed, she just refused the first time. I was a little worried then…"

"I didn't say no, I just didn't say anything at all," Bella reminded him. They seemed to have forgotten us completely. "But Jess, you have a pretty good point. We are young… my mom's going to blow up when I tell her. And Alice, next time you buy me clothes, get some that fit me! This is too small!" Oh. Too small shirt. Not pregnancy.

"Right now I'd be worried about Charlie," Lauren said, smirking. "I'm sure he won't allow it."

"I'm eighteen, I don't need his permission. If he says no, I'll move out," Bella said, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, only if he really refuses. I might be able to convince him!"

Some teacher passed (I didn't really care which one), and Edward stiffened at the sight. Alice and him exchanged a glance.

"Wonderful," I heard him utter faintly to Bella and Alice. Clearly I wasn't supposed to hear it. "They've decided to do more blood testing. And we're starting track in Gym."

"But- outside- it's supposed to get sunny!" Alice chirped in that same low tone.

"How good are you two at playing sick? I'm sure that I'll be able to do it no problem in science… the blood, ugh!" Bella shuddered visibly. 

"Okay, I guess. We've had a hundred years of practice," Edward seemed concerned. "Can't we just ditch?"

"And break your perfect reputation?" Alice smirked at him. "Nah, it'll be more fun this way!" That's it. They were so dead! 

"They're gonna get caught!" I hissed into Lauren's ear. "I can't wait to see what happens!"

* * *

My next class was Trig- totally useless, especially since the teacher was absent. We had extra study time instead. I remembered that Edward had made a list about what he would never do…maybe I could try it! So I went to a blank page in my notebook, tore it out, and uncapped my favorite sparkly pink pen. I had five- this was just my favorite.

I thought and wrote and thought and wrote. Then, satisfied with my list, I took out my History book to study for finals. I left it sticking out a little, just so I could admire it.

Just then, Edward Cullen went walking by. He glanced at my list and seemed to erupt with laughter. I angrily stuffed it into my desk as he ducked to pick up a pencil. I felt a breeze go by desk, but dismissed it, since the windows were open. I concentrated on my work, not even checking to make sure my list hadn't fallen out.

* * *

_**EPOV**_

_Done?_ Alice asked me in my head. I smiled slightly, holding back my laughs. _Me too. And Bella?_

"Bella, are you done with that yet?" I whispered softly in her ear. Giggling, she passed back the sheet of paper. "Good, now we just need to get it back in her desk before she notices." I looked at her pointedly. "You're her 'friend,' go ask if she wants to study with you. Everyone is doing that!"

"What about you?" she questioned, grabbing my hand.

"Me and Alice are stufying. You see, she sees my questions and answers and I hear her answers and questions. Fun, right?" She snorted and took back her hand. "Go play chess if you want to have fun with your powers. Now give me the sheet. This better turn out good if I'm sacrificing a period with you." She took the paper and her History notebook (which we noticed Jessica was studying) and stalked off to Jessica's seat.

"You want to study?" she asked and Jessica rolled her eyes slightly.

_Ugh, here comes the nerd,_ I heard her chime in her head. I growled venomously. _Maybe I can get some details about them!_

"Sure, why not? Pull up a chair!" Bella sat down and leaned her book on the desk. She deceptively slipped the paper back inside- Jessica didn't notice at all! For a clumsy girl, she can be very sneaky!

* * *

**Bella POV**

I opened by History book and had nearly gotten to open my mouth when Jessica cut in, asking questions about Edward and the wedding.

"So, when is it going to be?"

"I don't really know, he did propose about two hours ago," was my simply reply.

"What do you want your dress to look like?"

"I'm sure Alice has something in mind," I supplied.

"Who are your bridesmaids going to be?"

"Definitely Alice, Rosalie, I _think_ she'll want to, and maybe Esme or Renee. That is, if Renee comes up for the wedding," I informed her.

"Where are you having it?" I thought for a moment.

"We haven't discussed it yet. But maybe outside, in the Cullens' backyard. They have a beautiful creek out there. I want it in the summer, most definitely." That was the only thing I could be sure of. It just slipped out. But summer seemed so romantic- during twilight, that was when!

I heard Alice squeal from her seat in the back and I looked up and waved. She grinned and Edward looked harassed.

"Please think about something other than flowers right now, Alice! Please?" he begged so quietly that I had to strain my ears to hear.

I noticed people were passing notes. A lot of notes. Edward and Alice's grins both grew and I knew what the notes were about. Us.

Tyler fell out of his chair when he opened one. Eric nearly screamed. Angela passed me a note saying, _Oh, Bella, congratulations! You two are perfect for each other! I'll talk to you at lunch, okay? And I'm sure that Alice is helping plan it, right? It sounds like her to take over her brother's wedding. I'll talk to you later, I guess. Love, Angela._

The teacher decided to look up and take action when Mike stood up to talk to me and tripped. He fell on the ground and bruised his knee pretty badly. Worse than what I had done!

The substitute went a plucked the note right out of his hand.

* * *

**Mike POV (the bold in the note it him. **the plain text is Tyler.)

My knee was bruised- I could tell. The teacher came and just took the note from me! He opened it up and read it out loud to the class. I closed my eyes and winced, knowing that Cullen was going to kill me and suck out my blood when he finished reading it.

-**Hey, Tyler! Did you hear about Bella and Edward? THEY'RE ENGAGED!!**

-I know! It's too bad… but I don't know, everyone could kinda tell that they would eventually get married.

**- Yeah… but look at the way the Cullen is always hanging on to his sister! They never leave each other's sides! They're together more than Cullen and Bella!**

-Are you implying that… oh, eww!

-**Why not?**

-You honestly think that he's cheating on his girlfriend with his sister?And hasn't she already got a boyfriend?

**-I heard they broke up.**

-I heard he went to college.

- **Oh yeah… but still, she does have a boyfriend! And that boyfriend is pretty much her brother. Remember? The Hales are their cousins or something! So they're not going to care if they're related!**

-It's not biological!

-**So? They were all raised as siblings! You even hear it! They talk about Rosalie and Jasper like their brother and sister.**

-Oh, eww. Maybe you should go tell Bella what you think!

-**Alright! Be right back!**

Bella's face was red, Alice and Edward were on their feet sharing a dangerous look, and besides being in pain, I was probably the most embarrassed of all.

Alice swept down the aisles of the seats and bent down next to me,

"Hey, Mike," she said sweetly enough, her face full of rage. "Remember my boyfriend? He's home for the summer- Rosalie and Emmett too!"

"I didn't know Emmett and Rosalie were home!" Bella stood also, glee on her face. "Yes! Edward, tell Emmett that I am soo ready to beat him!"

"Beat him in what?" I said, regaining speech, though still a little frightened of the older Cullens. Bella beat big, scary Emmett? What could it possibly be? "Wouldn't you trip and kill yourself or something?"

"Well, it's a video game. So even if I do, I'll be okay…" Bella's face was laughing at my words. "Besides, how can you get hurt playing Guitar Hero?"

"Knowing you," Edward said, pulling her gently back into her seat. "Tons of ways." 

* * *

"Did you hear what happened in Trig?" I asked Lauren at lunch, eating our salads with no dressing while Bella stuffed on pizza and chocolate cake.

"Yeah, about Mike and the note?'

"And the Cullens! It was hilarious! Oh, that reminds me, remember that list thing that Edward and alice mentioned this morning?" She nodded so I continued, pulling the sheet off paper out of my bag. "I made my own!" Now all eyes were on me.

Bella had stopped eating her cake. Alice had stopped trying to force Edward to eat the pizza (why he wouldn't, I had no idea), Angela and Edward stopped talking about the wedding, and Bella stopped trying to stop Edward from talking about the wedding and focus on the fact that they were telling her parents that afternoon. They all looked at me.

I was suddenly self conscious about showing the list. Everyone began pulling on their clothes and avoiding each others' eyes. Edward hissed quietly to Alice "Tell your boyfriend to get off school property, everyone's getting uncomfortable!"

"Oh shush," she responded, low so I could barely hear. "He's picking me up after school."

"School ends in three hours!"

"We're getting sick, remember?" And then it was back to me.

"Go ahead, read it! I want to see. I'll show you mine if you show me yours!" Bella joked, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"S-sure," I agreed, right before Edward snatched the paper from her hands.

"I want to see what my fiancé won't do! And- wait, this is _mine!_"

"I know," Bella said innocently. "I haven't finished mine yet. It will come after the wedding- I assure you, there are a lot of things I won't be able to do there!" They laughed and I unfolded my sheet. And screamed. 

"When did you get this paper?" I roared at them- the Cullens and Bella. They began laughing hysterically.

"Trig," Alice said simply. "It fell out of your desk in Trig!"

They had written on my list, Commented on my list. Oh boy, was I angry. And oh boy, were they going to get it.

* * *

**What Jessica Stanley Cannot or Will Never Do **(with comments from Bella, _Alice, __**and Edward)**_

1. **I will never give up on Edward Cullen. I am so much better for him than Bella Swan! **_**Hint, hint- I'm engaged.**__ Yeah, Jessica, sorry, but Edward isn't the type to cheat._Even if Mike Newton thinks he is… hehe, I think his bruise is bigger than the one I gave myself last week!

2.** I will never be uglier than Bella Swan. Though that is a pretty hard feat…**_** For your information, Bella is the most beautiful girl on the planet. **__Yeah, and she's even prettier when she lets me do her makeup! But she'll never leave my house with it, so nobody ever knows. _Alice, I'm pretty in your dreams! _But I don't have dreams! I don't even sleep! _Exactly, you insomniac! _Wha- oh, Jessica will read this. I see…__**Obviously!**_

3. **I will never go out with a pig like Mike Newton again. **Right on, Jess! _Finally! Some sense! __**I'm going to take their word on this one… Bella was trying to convince me to strangle him the other day…**_He invited me to the dance! While I'm dating you! _**True…**_

4.** I can't stop looking good. **_**Didn't she say this already? **__No, she said she will never look worse than Bella… oh, please can I do your makeup for school? _No! _The wedding? _Maybe. _The honeymoon? _ALICE! _**Ditto. **_Wait… would you actually do that for me? _Of course, you're my sister! __**Bella, thank goodness, she's been annoying me about that for the last decade! **_You didn't have a girlfriend 10 years ago. Heck, you didn't have a girlfriend 100 years ago! _**Shut up, sweetheart. Do I need to dazzle you and remind you that we're doing this on somebody else's paper? **_Oh yeah… Hi Jess!

_**What? Only four? Oh that's sad, I had seven! And I could have had more if Alice didn't lock me in the car…**__ I was bored, it was fun, and you were being annoying! _I'm glad she forced you to write it… an enjoyable read, better than Wuthering Heights. _**What about Romeo and Juliet? **_Nah, they're still my favorite. _That's just 'cuz you have a thing for Romeo! __**WHAT? YOU'RE CHOOSING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER OVER ME?? Didn't I already have to fight with Jacob? **_Edward, calm down, you're going to poke a hole in the paper. Jess, enjoy our commentary! And now I have to go and lecture Alice about what sort of things we keep to ourselves, what kind of things I got over 5 years ago, and how keep a secret from her brother! Bye, see you at lunch!

* * *

**AN: Like the list? Remember in New Moon when Bella mentioned having a thing for Romeo?**I do not! It was FIVE YEARS ago! And I thought a human would have better sense of time! _Oh, Bella, let her go on with it. OH JACOB! BELLA'S CHOOSING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER OVER YOU AND EDWARD! **Alice, WE'RE fictional!** Too true, too true... _**Okay then... at least they're not- oh no Jake got here and they're trying to destory Bella's book. Well here it is! Sorry for the delays in updating, but this will be coming out much slower than the rest of them. I'm trying to incorporate commentary in all of the lists, in some way. Next up- Charlie! I think... Well, he'll be soon enough! Jacob Black, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, get away from the bookshelf this instant! Anyhow, I love feedback and I promise to give virtual cookies if you review! If Jake leaves any left, that is... STAY AWAY FROM THE KITCHEN YOU TWO!! Bye, gotta go!**


	4. What Charlie Swan Will Never Do

**AN: Special thanks to **tiamat100 **who gave that little boost to finish the chapter! Whoo! yay! I've been on a bit of a slump because I wrote a terrible last chapter for Into the World, but I have recovered! Yay! So, here you go- Charlie Swan and what he will never do! Oh, and just a note- the only thing that _didn't_ happen during New Moon was the proposal. Yes, they made the deal, but he didn't really propose. This takes places during Eclispe, ignoring Victoria and Seattle. Get it? Got it? Good! Oh and sorry guys... Jake got all the cookies.**

**Yes, and now some self advertisement for the HP fans- Hera Granger: Wrong Gender, Wrong Generation is now up and running! Girl!HArry and Time Travel all included! Yes! Two of my favorite plot elements! Check it out, I don't think it's cliche!**

**Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, the Cullens make lists, and so do you!**

**Vampires are cool, Werewolves are sweet, I do not own, so lawyers- take your seat!**

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**Bella POV**

"Bella, sweetheart, are you ready for this?" Edward asked calmly, looking into my eyes with his molten gold ones. I found myself incapable of speech for a moment and he smiled at his skill. "I'll take that as a no. Can I give you some encouragement?" He leaned in a kissed me softly and quickly on the lips. I leaned back onto my front door, dazzled once more.

"Um…" I smiled slyly back at him. "Can I have a little more encouragement?" He grinned and pushed my hair out of my face. Slowly, he began to lean in and-

"Bella! Come inside, it's raining, you're going to freeze!" Charlie yelled through the window. I groaned at his intentional timing and gripped Edward's hand, hiding my ring.

"Sorry, Dad, just lingering!" I pried open the door and stepped into the hall. Edward stood outside, not quite on the "welcome" mat- he knew that he wasn't. "Can Edward come in? Alice is driving him insane, he wanted to escape for a little while!"

Charlie grumbled something about not staying too long, so I leaned outside and pulled my fiancé in by the hand.

"How are we going to do this?" I whispered softly into his ear. His eyes sparkled for a moment as he swiftly shut the door and led me into the living room, where Charlie had seated himself.

"Chief Swan, I'm sorry for intruding. Alice _was_ being a bit annoying today, but she also threatened to give Bella a makeover. We all know that if I'm not here, she'll take her, regardless of her protests. Besides, Bella and I were going to do homework," Edward said to Charlie politely. He just grumbled and kept his eyes on the TV. The commercial ended and I perched myself onto the edge of the couch.

"Dad, do you mind if Edward gets a snack? I already ate this afternoon, Alice shared with me, but she wouldn't let Edward have anything." Charlie motioned soundlessly towards the kitchen and I nodded for Edward to go. He took the hint and left the room quickly. "Can I change the channel?"

"Oh sure, Bells," my dad said, his mood lifting immediately. "We haven't done anything for a while, just the two of us. And I didn't know you liked TV!"

"I don't," I recalled smiling, flipping through to a wedding show. _Perfect._ I thought.I put down the remote and settled down for the fight.

"Any particular reason we're watching weddings?" Charlie's brow was crinkled in confusion. Just then, Edward strode out of the kitchen, a gummy packet in one hand and a juice box in the other. He handed me the juice box.

"Here, you didn't drink anything all day." I took it gratefully, just noticing how dry my mouth was. Oh how in the world could I do this? He opened the gummy packet under Charlie's strict gaze and popped one in his mouth. As soon as Charlie turned away, he grimaced and spit out the snack. He hid it in his pocket.

"So… wait a second, Bella, don't you have something to say to Charlie?" Edward said quietly. I glared at him, really annoyed that he brought it up.

"Yeah, you see, today in school, I- well, it was really-" I stuttered, trying to get the right words out.

"Bella, Alice, and I all got detention for tomorrow. It was really nothing, we were just messing around, but the teachers found out, so we got in trouble. I won't go on pinning it on Alice- though I really should, it was mostly her idea- because I did play a pretty big part in it." Charlie was angry now. Not because I had detention, but because he thought it was Edward's fault. I stood before there could be a fight- or worse, a ban.

"Dad! Edward! It was nothing, honestly, Jessica had it coming anyhow. She was insulting me! Edward, don't you have a copy of that list she made?" Maybe if Charlie could see the list, he would get mad at Jess and not me…

"Yes, right here! Comments and all! I copied it down as you two fought about Romeo… I do feel upstaged, honestly! " Edward put on his mock hurt look as he pulled the paper from his pocket.

"Well, Romeo would kill himself for Juliet!" Edward snorted, probably wishing he was as lucky as Romeo.

"I would kill myself if it meant being with you forever! Isn't that what happened a few months ago?" he whispered quickly in my ear. Before my dad could notice, I whispered back.

"Yeah, next time, make sure you have your facts right!" I laughed as he passed the list to Charlie. He took it with hesitation, but once he saw it, his face exploded with rage again.

"She wrote this? Or did you make this all up?" He was suspicious now. I groaned and was about to state my case when Edward's cell phone rang.

"Hello? Jessica, honestly, it was all in good fun, we didn't mean to… oh, I see… well, actually, we were just getting around to that… you can ask Alice, we know nothing about it yet… WHAT? Why would you… I can assure you that Bella is _not_ cheating on me… at least, I don't think she is… Bella, honey, are you cheating on me with Mike Newton?"

"No!" I was insulted that Jessica could even think such a thing!

"Eric?"

"Nope!"

"Tyler?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Jacob Black?"

"I chose you, didn't I?"

"Romeo?"

"Edward! Now you're being ridiculous!"

"Sorry, I just had to have some fun with that! Jessica, I would trust Bella with my life, of she says she's not, I believe her… yes, even about Jacob… I don't know! That's Alice and Bella's job, _not_ mine! Can I leave now? We're sorry about what happened in school, okay? We were just having some fun! Alights, we'll see you in school tomorrow. Bye, Jess!" He flipped the phone shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That girl gives me headaches."

"What were you just getting around to?" Charlie stood to confront us. Edward stepped forward and grabbed my hand. I shivered at his cold, rock hard touch, but was pleased. My ring dug up against my skin as he lifted it and Charlie's eyes grew wide.

"Bella- you're only- but he just- I- why? When?"

"Dad, I-" Edward interrupted me mid-sentence.

"Chief Swan, I would like to assure you that I love Bella in every way possible. I just don't see the point of waiting to spend your life with someone. For all we know, your life could be gone tomorrow." He turned to me and spoke the last part so softly and earnestly that tears actually filled my eyes. I leaned forward for a kiss, but he stopped me. "Not in front of your father," he whispered and I understood.

"How do I know you won't leave her again?" Charlie accused.

"Sir, it killed me just as much as it killed Bella when I left. And I will feel forever guilty for the fact that I caused her so much pain. Please, sir, I promise I would never leave her again. I know that we don't really need permission to marry, seeing as we're both 18, but she- I mean, _we_ know it would mean a lot to us if you came to the wedding and gave us your blessing. Besides, isn't it the father's duty to give away the bride?" Edward looked so worried and concerned that my heart broke. He really wanted Charlie to accept him!

"Dad," I sat down on the couch, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm ready. Edward's been talking to me about this for a while, preparing me and all. He didn't really expect me to say yes so quickly. But, of course, Alice intervened and he popped the question. Wanna see?" I pulled out _his_ list and showed _that_ to Charlie. He looked at it in wonder.

"That's an… interesting way to propose," Charlie cleared his throat a few times.

"Edward, how about you go home and talk to Alice about some things?" Edward nodded and began to exit the room, giving me a (quick) peck on the cheek and Charlie a wave. I called after him, a thought dawning on me. "And don't let Alice go shopping! She'll have my dress, her dress, AND Rosalie's dress picked out before we even have a date!" His laughed echoed through the house in a pleasant way. Then it was just me and Charlie.

He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Why? Why would you? How is it possible to love him even after he… after he left?"

"Dad, Edward is my life. I would do anything for him. Why don't you understand that? I know what I'm getting myself into, but I don't think I'll end up like you and Renee. We'll last, I know we will!" Charlie closed his eyes, clearly thinking hard. "Dad, I will assure you that Edward will never leave me again. Ever."

"Bella, just- I need some time to think, alright? I'm going in for an early night." He went up the stairs, two at a time and I heard his bed groan loudly. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was only six. He must have been really upset.

* * *

**Edward POV**

I slipped quietly into Bella's room as she showered, Charlie's thoughts invading my mind. He was dozing off to sleep, thinking some not so pleasant things about me… I cringed into the empty room. I _do_ like to keep my mind PG-13 rated at most times.

_Wonder if I should show Bella the list… _was his last thought before drifting off to sleep. A list? I _had_ to see this. Ugh, now I was getting an obsession. Maybe I should buy one of those books of lists… that would keep me busy for a while, right?

I slipped quietly into Charlie's room, grabbing a pen and paper on the way. Sure enough, a list was sitting on the night table. I quickly copied it down and ran from the room. I was back into Bella's rocking chair in the nick of time, just before Bella emerged from the bathroom.

"Edward!" she whisper shouted before fliging herself in my lap. I laughed- she sounded so excited!

"What's so exciting? Did you think I wouldn't come?" I questioned, pulling her closer to my ice cold chest. I reached over and pulled a blanket between us, just so she wouldn't freeze to death.

"Well," Bella blushed and I fought myself to stay calm. The thirst burned, but we were engaged now… I couldn't hurt her if I tried. "Actually, I thought Charlie's thoughts would keep you away."

"They nearly did," I admitted, not mentioning the list. She fell asleep promptly and I carefully lied her in bed. Just as I was tucking the blanket around her fragile, pale body, a rustling by the window interrupted.

"You didn't really think that I would let you do this alone, did you?" Alice laughed, climbing in gracefully. She leaned out the window and called to her husband. "Hurry up, Jasper! He's going to start!" I was laughing so hard I could barely take a breath to shush them with. Jasper tumbled onto the floor and within seconds, we were all gathered in a circle on the ground.

"What is this?" Jasper said, eyeing the group distastefully. "The Society of Power-Having Vampires?"

"No, silly!" Alice chimed, her voice low so Charlie wouldn't hear. "It was the Society of Power-Having _Vegetarian Bloodsuckers!_ Don't you remember? It was only three decades ago!"

"Oh, I remember that!" I groaned. "The _70s!_ That was another reason I hated that decade!" We laughed, reminiscing, before getting down to work. It was just before dawn when Alice and Jasper snuck back out the window. Bella mumbled just a few more words in her sleep before awaking.

"No… Jess, no, I don't like him! Mike, get away from me! Tyler, I'm not going to the dance with you, I'm engaged! Stop it… make them leave me alone Jake- don't sure, sure me! Get your furry butt over here!" Where was I in this dream?? "Edward, make Jacob come a help you save me! Jake, finally! Edward, Jake… Edward, love…." She shot straight up in bed.

"Oh my gosh, what did you hear?" Her hair was everywhere and her face was panicked. I pulled my face into a smile and lied.

"Nothing much, just the same as usual." Her relief was evident. "Go get ready, I'll be outside." I jumped out the window and to the ground. Sitting in the Volvo with minutes to spare, I decided to take one more look at the list.

* * *

**What Charlie Swan Will Never Do- this is only concerning Edward Cullen and his family! I have more somewhere**…(Commentary by Edward, _Alice, _and Jasper.)

1.** I can never kill my daughter's boyfriend. But now he's her fiancé, so I guess it's okay.** Um, Charlie? Sir? You're not serious are you? _I think he is!_ Yep, totally. Edward, Emmett and I have already placed our bets on if he tries to shoot you or if he'll go at you with bare hands. Not funny!

2.** I can never accept Edward Cullen. **Don't worry, he's not accepted in our family either! Hey! _Oh come on, you know we love you (but not in the creepy incest way)._

3. **I can never shake the feeling that there's something weird about that family…** Ha, a lot weirder than you think! Believe me, I know! _Oh yes, all hail the all-knowing master! Jeez, I'm the one that sees the future! _Calm her down, will you? Sure thing, Edward… Hey wait, did Bella just scrape herself while she's sleeping? I gotta get outta here, I see it! Be back when the smell clears up! _Bella didn't start bleeding…_He's trying to get out of calming you… oh no, I'll be ripped to shreds.

4.** I can never believe Billy's stories about "Cold Ones" or whatever it was. **Oh, you better!

5. **I can't help but feel like that kid has been in the house when he shouldn't be! Like at night…** _Like now, you mean? Edward, I think he means like now! _No, duh, he means right now! Alice, honestly! And Charlie, if you somehow find this, it is not what you think! I would know! _There you go with the all-knowing again!_

6. **I can't give Bella up at this age, especially not now! I feel like I'm going to lose her forever. **I feel that way too… I'm sorry, Charlie, sincerely sorry. It's entirely my fault. All mine, and I won't deny that. But that girl is stubborn! AND she agreed to my requirement so I _have _to! _I wish she wouldn't either, but she'll be fine. We take good care of our family. Maybe, in a long, long time, we'll come visit and you'll know everything._

7. **I can't deny Bella her happiness. Which is why I'll give her my blessing and try to accept Edward. Which is why I'll bring her down the aisle. Which is why I won't kill her fiancé. Which is why I'll protect her and Edward when Renee comes up to kill them both. Which is why I'll let go. **Thank you, Charlie. I really appreciate it. It means so much to me. _Tear, tear, that is so sweet! Charlie, you are the best father Bella could ever wish for!! _Charlie, I know for a fact that Edward is grateful, relieved, happy, and that he cares about you a lot. Believe me on this. I know. _Jasper! You're back! And not you too with the all-knowing!! THAT'S ME AND ME ALONE! _Mood swings, honey, you know I hate them! Good luck, Eddy! Jasper!!

_You do realize that Charlie's never reading this, right?_ Too bad, I think he would have liked to. Maybe he will, someday. Maybe we'll let him. And Alice, what's the vote? _Um… I have to present it to the family first. You're a yes, Jasper, you're a yes as well… I'm a yes, totally, Charlie's the best… I'll fill you in later with the rest of the votes! Bye!!_

**Bella POV**

I slid into the car, after Edward had gotten out and held the door open for me like a gentleman. I could feel my dad's eyes watching our every move from the front step. Edward had just been about to start the car when Charlie tapped on his window. Of course, it was rolled down in an instant.

"Yes, sir? I hope you don't mind me driving her to school. We can take her car, if you'd like!" Suck-up, I thought, forever grateful that my mind was blocked.

"No, no, it's okay. I- I just wanted to say-" Charlie was getting choked up now, but Edward just waited patiently, his face blocking all expression except hope. "I wanted to say that I accept you as my son. When the wedding again?" Edward's face broke out into a smile so wide and genuine that I felt myself wanting to throw myself into his arms.

"August. Definitely August," I said confidently. Edward turned, a playful look in his eyes.

"When did we decide this?"

"When I saw the forecast for next week," I teased. "I want it to be nice out, so we'll have to postpone it.' He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss me lightly on the cheek.

"Insane. I'm getting married to an insane woman."

"I told you my brain was messed up." Charlie watched our exchange with curious eyes, but I pushed it away.

"Never. Impossible."

"A lot of impossible things happened to me. Like having a lion fall in love with a little lamb like me," I began reciting one of our first conversations.

"What a stupid lamb," he chuckled into my ear, playing right along.

"What a masochistic lion. Besides, _you're_ the stupid, shiny Volvo owner!" I chided right back. The look on his face was priceless. I guess I forgot to mention that part.

"Did you just use the words 'stupid' and 'Volvo' in the same sentence?" he growled playfully.

"Not the Volvo, you silly vegetarian! You!" I laughed as Charlie became more and more confused. "And you thought you were being upstaged by Romeo! I'm being upstaged by a _car!_"

"Romeo is a fictional character. A car is _real!_" Charlie waved as we pulled out of the driveway and down the block.

"It's not alive! It's not _living!_" I argued with him uselessly, avoiding eyes. As soon as we made eye contact I would lose, I knew it.

"Neither am I," Edward finished the conversation, a smile tugging on his lips. I sighed and looked at the glimmering ring on my finger. Engaged, married, vampire. All in order, all too soon.

* * *

**So that's that! I know Charlie's list is different, but I really wanted it focus on one thing. Still, I like this one... it's sweet. Reviews make me write faster (proof at the beginning of chapter!) **_Heyy, I can see the reviews! Here;s a nice one... b00kw0rm, come on, I need to tell you about this one! _Alice how many times did I tell you to not go into her ANs? Alice, sweetheart, please leave the author alone! Oh, wait, she;s right, this one is nice! OH B00KW0RM! **Coming! Just a second! See? Alice sees reviews and she'll be sad if you don't make her vision come true. Plus, you gett Edward/Jacob hugs (depending on who you like). **What? NOOO!! I"M WITH BELLA PEOPLE! GET IT RIGHT! AHHH! **_This is Jacob... and I don't mind hugs! Bella won't have me so I'll be okay with the hugs! Unless I imprint. Then it's not- oh, look that girl is drools Gotta go. HEY SAM! QUIL! EMBRY! I imprinted!!_ Um... bye guys! Well, you can ambush the,. Cya next time! Any ideas on who to tell next? I think it should be one of the Cullens or Renee- Alice is not having one because then she can't comment, Jasper I don't know to well (luv him though!) but maybe Rosalie, Emmett, or Carlisle and Esme (they're a package deal). It'll probably be Renne though... how they'll get comments I have no idea. I'll work it out!**

* * *


	5. What Renee Dwyer Will Never Do

**AN: Two more chapters! JAcob and then Bella. MAYBE an epilogue, but I'm not sure. This isn't the best chapter, I'll admit. I don't like it much, but it works. I hope you like what I've done here! Hehe... pay attention! Also dedicated to Global Conquest-er because of the brilliant ideas for one of the list items and a piece in a conversation. Though I changed the list item a little.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

"Oh, Bella, how are you?" my other said, dropping her bags and throwing her arms around me.

"I'm good, I'm good," I said, squeezing her back. It had taken hard work, determination, and Carlisle to get my mom to accept and come to my wedding. But she did. And now, one week before I was to be a married woman, my mom was standing right in front of me.

"And Edward? How is he?" she asked as I pulled away reluctantly. Only a few weeks and I would never see her again.

"Edward's good. He's getting you something to eat, you must be starved." I waved to Edward from a distance, despite the fact that I didn't need to. Then I dropped my voice to a whisper. "We'll get you something good at home. You might not want to eat before we go in the car… Edward insisted on bringing the Volvo. And he… well, Edward drives fast."

"Ah, I see… And you don't-"

"Object? Oh, I try, but that boy is stubborn."

"I know your talking about me." I jumped and twirled around. Edward had somehow gotten behind us. He offered two hot dogs- one for me and one for my mom.

"What about you?" Renee questioned.

"Oh, I ate on the way back from the place. Ready? Renee, you'll be staying at my house tonight. Alice is delighted… be ready for a shock when you see your room. She likes to decorate and she never gets to do so with the guest rooms. My sisters had a lot of fun." Edward chuckled and cringed at the same time. It must have been scary.

"And I'm sleeping over tonight, so Alice and I can work on wedding plans," I informed her as we walked to the car. As Renee and I slid into the back seat, Edward loaded her suitcases into the trunk. As he started the engine, we shot out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

"Edward, slow down! Now!" I yelled into his ear. Maybe I could convince him now that my mother was in the car.

"Or what? Gonna subject me to the couch tonight?" He twisted around to face me. "Besides, she's enjoying it." And he was right. Renee's face was lit up as she stared out the window.

"At least turn around and look at the road," I insisted. Edward shrugged and turned back.

I leaned back into my seat, rolling my eyes at my fiancé.

"So, I was reading this book-" my mom started and I groaned. "Oh, hush, Bella, it wasn't science fiction! No, it was supernatural. A romance as well. A wonderful story really, it was written by Corona Mayer. It's about a vampire who falls in love with a human. It's amazing, really! The girl's name was Elizabeth- or Lizzie- and the boy was Edwin. I'm waiting to get the second book in the series. The first is called Dawn, the second is Full Moon, and the third is called Overshadow. You really ought to read it!"

"Oh, well, tell me about it then!" I pressed, trying anxiously to conceal the tone of humor in my voice. Edward's lips were twitching, as if he was trying hard not to smile.

"Well, the vampire, Edwin, was the only single one in his family. Oh, I forgot, he has a huge family! There's his sisters, Rosaline, and Alissa, and then his brothers Jack and Embry." From there she launched into a full explanation. The events were surprisingly similar to the ones that happened to Edward and I. I tried not to be fazed, but it was creepy! Plus, she seemed to be observing my reactions.

"Renee!" Edward interrupted as we approached the house. My mother was in the middle of explaining what happened to vampires in the sun. "Did Bella tell you about my proposal?"

"Oh, yes! She did! That is so sweet, that list! May I see it?" I panicked, thinking about the subtle hints of vampircy in it.

"Um, Mom, maybe not today," I rushed, giving her a wink. She misinterpreted it, but it worked. She sat back with a grin on her face.

"Actually, the idea gave me the perfect pre-wedding gift!" She handed me a piece of paper. "I wrote it on the plane." She admitted sheepishly. My mother really was like a child at times.

* * *

"She asleep," Edward whispered as we lay in bed. "Want to take a look at the list?"

"Why not? Get some pencils and pens and we're ready!" I whispered right back.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked me, trying to look confused. Nevertheless, he reached for the writing utensils.

"I'm not stupid, I know you like to comment on every list you read." I unfolded the paper carefully, scanning the list. "Let's start at the top. We've got a _lot_ to discuss." Suddenly, there was more weight on the bed.

"She'll take it fine, don't worry."

"Alice!" Edward groaned. "Outta my room!"

"I have my own pen, now hush. I'm helping," the pixie said and there was no swaying her.

* * *

**What Renee Dwyer Will Never or Cannot Do **(Comments by Bella Swan, _Edward Cullen,_ _**and Alice Cullen!!)**_

**1. I will never wear purple nail polish again. **_**I don't know, Renee, depending on what you wear, it could look good! **_Alice, quit influencing my mother!

**2. I will never rush into a relationship too quickly. **_Oh, Renee, don't worry about that. If the person is right, there's no such thing as too quick. _I know from experience. _**Aww… should I give you two a moment? **__Yes. Please. And don't come back. __**Sorry, no can do.**_

**3. I can't stop reading these romance novels! Especially Dawn…**_** That's okay, just don't forget to separate fiction from reality.**_

**4**_**.**_** I can't stop thinking that Edwin and Elizabeth remind me of Edward and Bella…** Ha, ha, yeah, about that… _No more, Bella. No more. _You can't make _**He just kissed her. So, in reality… yeah, he can make her.**_

**5. I can't shake the fact that Edward and his family are vampires from my mind.**_** Try, try hard. And if you can't, well, we all know where Bella gets it from now! **__Alice, are we concealing it or not? SHHH! __**I am quiet! **__Not in paper you aren't!_

**6. I will never be able to accept it if Bella isn't going to be a vampire. Because she will. I know. If she's with Edward, she'll have to. It's love and nothing will get in the way. I will accept my daughter as well as I can. I'll love her either way. **Mom… thank you. But… how did you find _**Edward, restrain yourself! They just kissed again. And don't blame Bella, you jerk, she was writing! Do you love the girl or not? Make up your mind, you suicidal, masochistic… **_Lion! _**What? **__Let it go Alice, you wouldn't get it if __**Okay, NOW it was Bella's fault.**_

**7. I will never stop gloating over the fact that a) I figured out the Cullens' secret and b) I was able to make up that book series! I know you're reading this and probably wondering how I knew all that… well, I saw Edward sparkle once when Bella was in the hospital… and I am still in contact with Billy… that's enough for you, isn't it? Love you, sweetheart! I'll talk to you soon about this, got it? And I'll help you break it to Charlie… I promise. **_No comment except thank you. And Billy Black better be thankful that I respect the treaty… __**I might not… and yay, I don't have to eat tomorrow! Ugh, you realize how terrible "dinner" tasted to me, right?**_ I'll cook something, don't worry. And Alice Cullen, don't you dare go near my best friend's dad! I don't care _how_ tasty a snack he is!

* * *

"Bella?" I awoke and rubbed my eyes to see Renee standing above me. "Did you see the list?"

"Yes, and you may want to take a look at it… Edward has a new hobby." I gestured to the commented page. She picked it up and read silently, her eyebrows arching. She laughed at the end and just perched herself on the bed.

"I didn't get all the information, you know. There is so much I don't know about them… and soon you. I want to know. I promise not to run screaming."

"Sure, we'll talk over breakfast. C'mon, Esme probably fixed us something." I hesitated at the door. "How long have you known?"

"Pretty long. Long enough to take up a new hobby." She shrugged her shoulders, acting nonchalant. There was a glint in her eyes that made me question her further.

"What hobby?"

"Writing. Under the pen name Stephenie Meyer. And a book called Twilight. I hope you don't mind- and I do need more details for it- but I'm basing it on you and Edward. I kind of twisted things around the that book 'Dawn' that I made up."

"No, I don't mind. I don't mind at all." I grinned as the smell of burning eggs drifted up the stair. I grinned as I was crushed within my mother's embrace. I grinned as I realized that I wouldn't leave my old life behind completely.

* * *

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? review and let me know! Here are some fun facts with the chapter-**

**- Corona mean crown. Stephanie (I couldn't find Stephenie) means crown. Hence, the Corona part.**

**-Isabella traces back to Elizabeth. Hence, Elizabeth (Lizzie).**

**- All the book titles (Except for Overshadowed) are the opposite of the real books. Twilight- Dawn. New Moon- Full Moon. I couldn't find an antonym for Eclipse so I used a synonym.**

**-I was going to make Emmett a girl in Renee's "Dawn." Why? I went to a name website and the only related names were girls names. He was going to be Emma, but then I realized that it messed up the boy/girl ratio. So I gave him the same name as a werwolf. That should annoy him anyways!**


	6. What Jacob Black Will Never Do

**Hey, guys, one more chapter to go! I hope you enjoy this! Oh and the person to find the reference to another story and name it and the story will get a LAST CHAPTER dedication.**

**piicklex3- Dwyer is Phil's last name, it's mentioned once in Twilight... somewhere. I kind of assumed Renee took the name (and confirmed it on the Lexicon... I've been using it for extensive info for my new story- more info on the bottom!)**

**Twilighter/Fanpire- One, oh, that name is so cute! Fanpire... love it! Anyhow, with the names, my main purpose was to find names that were similar. Alexa does fit... but Alissa came first so I stuck with it. As for Emmett... I was too lazy to really look into names. Plus, I thought it would be fun to annoy him. If I can't give him a girl's name, why not a werewolf's? Ha, I can soo picture his reaction to it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Dark side or Twilight. I wish to own Twilight- I really couldn't care less about the Dark side (Jake is a Star Wars freak here! I only know cuz my brother loves it)**

* * *

"Bella! Mail for you!" Edward shouted up the stairs. I sighed and turned from the mirror. Alice and Renee were giving me my last fitting. The wedding was in two days and my dress had to be absolutely perfect. My mom had been getting as much information as possible and I promised to call her after my change, to tell her what it was like.

Alice sped out of the room and returned barely a second later with an envelope.

"I don't know what it is, sorry. The wolf sent it," she shrugged as she handed me the envelope.

"His name is Jacob and he's my friend," I huffed as I slit the note open.

"Jacob's a wolf? Billy never mentioned that!" Renee screeched. I winced before turning to her.

"He's not allowed, against the treaty. Oh, it's a list!" I yelled as I opened the note and saw numbers written neatly on the side. "Alice, I think we've started a trend."

"I'll get pens and Edward and Jasper too, I think he'll want to! Renee, Jacob probably knows more about wolves than us. Well, he definitely does… Carlisle will explain as much as he can, but you'll have to go to Sam Uley for more. You want it for your book, don't you?" Alice gasped, seeing it in her vision.

"Yep. Edward left you and you began hanging out with Jacob and- oh! That's when it happened, wasn't it? I'll have to swing it from there and make a new story, but after that… wonderful!" Renee gushed and I blushed. She had been working fervently, working in our information at every chance. I told her me and Edward's story from the start.

As the two of them left the room, I quickly changed into my sweats and sat down on the bed. A smile spread over my face as I read the note.

* * *

**Bells,**

**Well, I don't know how to say it… you're getting married to… a leech? A blood sucker? A vampire? A monster? Let's just go with you're getting married. Congratulations? I guess? Emily and Kim say it without the question. If Claire was older, I think she'd agree… she's tugging on my leg now, wanting to know where Quil is (he's spoiling her, she wants more candy) and an "uppy." So, I'm writing this with a toddler on my lap. The pack and I remain with question.**

**Bella, I love you, but because of that I'm willing to let you go. You'll be happy, and that's enough. I'll miss you, but maybe we can meet somewhere that's not off bounds… some day. Just as friends though! I know that once you're changed, there's no going back.**

**Cullen isn't willing to let you go. But it's clear that he loves you more… how does that work? Isn't it the one that will let you be happy is the one that loves more? I guess it doesn't work out that way. Or maybe it's the other way around- you'll let me go. In that case, since you're letting **_**me**_** go… am I your first choice?**

**Just kidding, Bella, I wouldn't get into it now. I'm not allowed to the wedding (who's grand idea was it to have it on Cullen property? The pixie's right? Or have you truly gone to the Dark side and suggested it?) so I figured I'd give you your present a little early. No, this isn't it- the pack will drop it off later. **_**But**_**, you know that our father's gossip like old ladies, so I obviously know about the lists.**

**Enjoy and don't forget- I traded a box of conversation hearts for eternal slavery from you. I traded it back because I want you to be happy. Oh and Bella? Don't eat the heart in here. Not only is it over half a year old, but I want you to keep it forever and not forget me. Do candy hearts last for centuries?**

**Love,**

**Jacob**

* * *

**What Jacob Black Cannot and Will Never Do**

**(PS- Leeches, don't you DARE write on this! Only Bella's allowed! Got it? I told you, my dad gossips… news gets around. So keep your grubby fingers OFF!) **_Comments by Bella Swan. Sorry guys!_

**1. I will never trade servitude for a box of candy hearts. Cuz, well, Bella… it wasn't a great idea. **_Oh, c'mon Jake! I wanted candy hearts! Besides, you can have them for free… in a few weeks I won't be able to eat anything anymore._

**2. I will never be able to get over the fact that one day I might actually get over Bella! **_Jake, you'll find true love one day. I promise, you will._

**3. I can never stop the urge to slap Leah really, really hard in the face… hence the fact that I need new clothes. **_I did NOT need to know that! How many fights have you two gotten into? Jeez!_

**4. I can never forget the image of Bella when the leech left her. **_A couple things here…, 1) why is it all about me except for number 3? 2) WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NAMES? I am Switzerland! SWITZERLAND!! _Um, hi Jake, sweetie, it's Renee. Bella is spazzing right now about Switzerland… I don't really understand though…

**5. I will never believe that Bella is **_**really**_** "Switzerland." She obviously doers care about the differences between wolf and vampire. **_I AM SWITZERLAND!!_

**6. I will never forgive Cullen if he doesn't care for her right. On the other hand, I will never doubt that he'll ever stop loving her. And her him. I'm glad. She's happy. I won't break my promise again. **_Jake… thank you. And I know if Edward were allowed to write on this, he would be too. He will and I will. I promise. Don't worry, I'll check in on you soon and I'll bring this note, just so you can see all my comments… but, um, can we forget about the spazzing part?_

**Cullen, you can comment on that last one. BUT ONLY EDWARD CULLEN AND ONLY THAT ONE! **

_**Hello, Jacob! I'm so glad that you're letting me write! Honest, though, thanks… I don't trust Bella with that pen, at least not after her "Switzerland" spaz… and do you mind explaining that? Because I don't think she's ever done so for me and I am extremely confused. Anyhow, thank you for the last item on the list. I promise I will take care of her. And you have full liability to hurt me if I don't. I'll do everything in my power to make sure she's happy. Believe me, I've tried. She doesn't seem to understand that being human could make her happy. Of course, it's too late now, with the Volturi on our tails… And I want to extend the wedding invitation to you and any other wolves that want to come because- SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM ALICE!! Sorry, Jacob, my sister wants to kill me because I messed up her visions by inviting you. Anyhow, because I know how much it means to Bella. You're her best friend. I can't deny you the opportunity. I would want it if it went the other way.**_

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"Edward?" I called nervously from my hiding place under the bed. Alice had nearly destroyed the room and I was just keeping out of the way. I had hidden for hours and nightfall had come ages ago.

"Yes, honey?" Edward asked in his sweet, velvety voice. He pulled me out from under the bed and I curled up in his lap.

"Take that note to Jacob… and warn him that if the wedding goes anything less then perfect because the pack came… well, I'll be a widowed woman." Edward laughed and he laid me on the bed.

"You're delirious, you need sleep. But I'll tell him nevertheless. Goodnight, my Bella, have sweet dreams. You won't be having them much longer."

"I know," I mumbled as my head hit the pillow and my love left the room. That night I dreamed of wolves running head first into diamonds, then the diamonds moving and running after each other. I dreamed of wood crashing into marble. I dreamed of a happy life, with all my friends and family, me never aging and Edward with me forever. I clutched my candy heart close to my real onee- the one that would soon beat no more.

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**Like it? Hate it? Love it? Lemme know in a review!**

**I have one more chapter of this story- Bella's chapter will be the epilogue. I'm sorry! But I need to get this done! Why, you may ask??**

I'm starting a new story! And I'm **super** excited about it. Because of these things, I have something to ask of you readers.

Anybody who is a good beta, who can handle ideas and plot directions every which way, who can help me really get into the characters and plot AND KEEP UP WITH IT (it's a complicated plot, guys, really complicated). You also must not mind me doing a little Edward bashing and Bella/Jake friendship. Just a little Edward bashing... not much... only the beginning. I for one am a person who loves an interesting and thought out plot. I for one am alos not good at keep to said interesting and thought out plot. So, I need someone who can help me there!

Anything on the time period that the wolves changed? Before Twilight, during Twilight, during New Moon (or right before in the uncovered summer), or Eclipse?? And the ages of Rebecca and Rachel and what happened to them (they're Jake's twin sisters). I need lots and lots of details for this, so I'm searching hard!! Anything else on the wolves I'd be happy to take. Oh yeah, and when did Sam imprint on Emily?


	7. Finale: What Bella Cullen Will Never Do

Here it is... the final chapter of What Edward Cullen Will Never Do. I for one, never thought I would continue this. Enjoy the last chapter! I hope I have inspired you to write lists and lots of them! I don't do them myself, but these were FUN! This is my baby... I will miss it.

Bella is a vampire here. She has just changed a few days ago. And at the very end, it changes from past to present. It makes more sense later!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just own the evil Vamp-bunnies that inspired me to write this and pretty much everything else here. Fortunately, I have tamed the bunnies and now they are Cullen-Bunnies! Or more specifically, Alice-Bunnies. They never shut up and they are SO annoying! (referring to Edward's quote "How can someone so tiny be so annoying?" "It's a talent")

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**Bella POV**

I gasped as the pen in my hand burst. This strength was still odd- it would take a lot of getting used to.

"Bella, sweetheart, what in the world are you doing?" Edward asked, at my side in an instant. He passed me a pen.

"I'm making a list, everyone else has, it's my turn!" I gestured towards my scrapbook, a wedding present. The Cullens had gone around, collecting lists from as many people as possible. In the back were Renee's list, a copy of Charlie's, Jacob's list, a copy of Jessica's list, and Edward's list. It was time to add my own.

"May I help?" he asked sweetly, pulling up a chair.

"Sure, why not? Alice, come up here!" I called without raising my voice at all. She appeared in the doorway.

"Yes?"

"I'm making a list. Want to help?"

"Oh, yay! Yes, move over, Edward, you can snuggle later!" I laughed and a musical sound filled my ears. I barely knew myself, but I was more intact with myself than ever. It was an odd feeling.

"Here we go." I took a deep breath and lifted the pen.

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**What Bella Cullen Cannot or Will Never Do **(Comments by Alice _and Edward)_

**1. I cannot kill humans. No duh, right? **_I'm sure you'll do fine, don't worry._

**2. I will never go shopping with Alice again. **_Don't count on it. _You'll go shopping… mark my words you will! **I will not! **I see the future- you will, whether I need to drag you by your ear! _She intends to, Bella. I think it would be easier if you went willingly. You'll have fun either way! _**Will not. **Will too. **No. **Yes. **No. **Yes. **No. **Yes! **NO! **YES! _Stop! Both of you!_

**3. I will never dye my hair blonde. Not even to be a Hale. No, no, no! **It's called acting. You need to be a Hale if you want to be with Edward! **Can't I be… Carlisle's niece's daughter or something? **_Bella, Carlisle is blonde too. _**So? Esme is brunette and the Hales are her "nieces and nephews!" **_Bella, not now, please! _You'll do it… I know!

**4. I will never not visit Jake! **Double negative. _Alice, that's her point. _I know, just pointing it out!

**5. I will never regret becoming a vampire or a Cullen. **If I could cry now, I would. Aw, Bella, I love you too! _Alright, it wasn't so bad… well, it was, but it's over so let's just look ahead._

**6. I will never forget Charlie's face when we told him about the Cullens being a vampires. This is mainly because Carlisle videotaped it, Alice and Emmett took pictures, and Jasper still shudders from his emotions at times. **Haha, great times, great times! _He went and tried to hit me with a wooden stick! Sure, it cracked into pieces, but it totally hurt my feelings! _Okay, the guy with the feelings is _Jasper._ You read minds. Get it straight, okay? Just because you can see the future through me and feel emotions from Jasper doesn't mean you have ultimate power!

**7. I will never fake sick like Edward did once. **_You challenged me! I had to take it! _Oh, that was so gross! You made him eat toast and take pills and drink orange juice! I walked into the bathroom later that day to see him coughing up orange liquid! Rosalie was first, actually… poor Rosalie…

**8. I will never stop loving Edward Cullen. He is my moon and stars. He is my existence. Be warned, Edward- you die and I get a one way ticket to Italy. **_I love you too. You are my moon and sky. You are the reason for _Okay, can you two keep your hands off eachother for this list? Guys? GUYS? Please? Get a room, jeez! _**HELP! THE EMOTION! HELP!! **__**Please, Edward, Bella, I understand that you love each other, but Bella needs to finish this list so she can hunt. I need to explain about resisting the thirst… Edward…. Bella… I mean it! **__I can separate them! __Emmett! _**Emmett! Haha, you look funny with one arm, Emmett… sorry! ****BELLA! I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU OUT OF EXISTENCE! YOU HURT EMMETT! ****Sorry, Rosalie, honest!**

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I surveyed the room with content. Emmett's arm was slowly reattaching. Rosalie was next to him. Alice and Edward were cleaning up. Jasper was following Alice like a little puppy, emotion taking over. Carlisle was explaining to finer points of the thirst. I ignored it all and smiled as I pasted my list into the scrapbook.

"So, Bella, when you feeling the burning you really need to distract yourself- any way. You need to try and hold back. You'll be able to tell the difference between human and animal once you get a whiff of both…" Carlisle's words washed over me as I watched the scene. Alice had given in to Jasper and was kissing him passionately. Edward was grimacing from their mental pictures (probably). Rosalie was stroking Emmett as he flexed his arm, groaning in pain. Carlisle was totally oblivious to it all.

"AH! What have you _done?_" Esme shrieked, running into the room. _Click._ I turned to see my mother standing at the door.

"I thought I needed to get some classic Cullen family pictures. Now I gotta go before my daughter kills me. Love you Bella!" She dashed down the stairs, tossing a Kodak instant picture at me. My throat burned and venom poured out of my mouth. Edward and Carlisle noticed.

"Come on. Time to hunt." Edward swept me into his arms and I breathed in his scent as we sped through the forest.

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**Present**

My name is Bella Swan Cullen. I am a vampire. I have been one for two weeks. My mother, Renee, had all the information she needs for her books. She is leaving for home today. I hugged her despite the danger. We will be keeping in conact, same with Charlie.

I pasted the picture into my scrapbook. It isn't even half full. Hopefully, I will fill it and many more over the years. My name is Bella Swan Cullen and I will never forget.

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**I hope you enjoyed it!! Now, for my new story... not posted yet, but just to keep you all on your toes (and be happy, because no other story is getting this) I will be giving an exert from the prologue! I feel bad about ending this because I love it, but... I happen to love this new one just a teeny bit more. I'm ulitmately a Bella- a klutz, I love to read, if I had to choose between Jake and Edward, it would be hard but ultimately Edward. Well, this story is my Jacob- light, fun humor. My new story is an Edward- a bit more serious, but just as lovable. Ironically, this had a lot of Edward. And ironically even more, my new story has a lot of Jacob... odd, right? Here it is!:**

_"What happened?" Edward questioned, obviously knowing that it wasn't okay._

_"Well," I forced out. "I don't think you need to worry about killing Bella Swan any more."_

**Oh, intriging! I think, at least! Well, be on the look out! Coming soon to a website near you- well, actually, I haven't named it yet.**


	8. What Emmett Cullen Will Never Do

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alright, since you guys are so awesome and got me to a hundred reviews, I decided, hey, why not post an extr? A bonus? A funny short chapter? So here it is! It's not the same as most of them are... no sappy moments, humor all the way through. Sorry if you liked the fluff!

**And Jasper was born in the 1800s. So as a baby, he _would_ wear a dress. Hee, don't ask! Just read! Takes place just under a year after the last chapter. Maybe 11 months, not yet a year though, cuz Bella is still strong.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own History Channel or Twilight. Or Alaska... but that would be pretty awesome, to own a state.**

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**Bonus**

"EMMETT!!" Bella screamed from her ice prison. It was so much more fun to play pranks on her when she was a vampire! Edward would probably kill me, but first he needed to get her out from under the lake's surface…

Unfortunately for her, Bella was just as klutzy as she was when she was human. That, however, was an excellent source of entertainment.

_Bring! Bring!_

The phone beside me rang annoyingly. Who called at this hour? I mean, no, we didn't sleep, but still! Someone has to!

"Hello?" I answered, wanting to get back to the window, where I had been watching Edward hack at a chunk of ice.

"Hi, Emmett!" Renee, Bella's mother practically screamed. "Is Bella there? I have good news!"

"Sorry, Renee, Bella is… busy," I answered quickly. If Renee was anything like Bella, I was _not_ telling her that I had locked her daughter under a thick sheet of ice.

"Oh, with Edward?" she inquired, hinting at something quite inappropriate for a mother to be asking about so calmly.

"Kind of…"

"_Not_ with Edward?" She was shocked and I just had to laugh.

"No, don't worry, she's with Edward. But they aren't doing what you think they are. Bella is swimming in the lake."

"You're in Alaska, it must be freezing! And there must be ice coating it!" She shivered and I could hear it even through the phone.

"Hehehe, yeah, about that… that's why she _under_ the ice… You see, we were ice skating before and she thought it would be nice to get into the water and-"

"You locked under the ice, huh?" Renee's voice and accusation was blunt, to the point.

"Yeah…" I didn't expect her to crack up laughing, but it sure did make me happy.

"Just a second, I'm on the computer. I have to camera up, go, I want to see!" So, I took our two way cameras (so handy!) and went to the window. Renee's laughter became even more hysterical as Edward tried to melt a hole big enough to pull Bella through- while pulling her through.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP ME APART AND BURN ME? EDWARD!! LET GO!" There was a splash and Bella screamed once again.

"Either he's dead or you are, Emmett. If you ever need to hide, I have room," Renee offered, but I just shushed her. It might be a good idea though…

The ice cracked and Bella came running up to her room, where I was currently residing.

"Um, Renee? I gotta go…. And if I show up tomorrow, don't be surprised!" I hung up the phone and ran. Fast.

Why? Bella was still a newborn. And when she tries to hurt you, she _hurts._

The next day, I dragged myself off the couch, where I was recovering. I grabbed and piece of paper and limped my way back. Jasper had taken my spot and was flipping to the History channel.

"Hey, I know him!" I mentioned as I was staring blankly at the screen. I _had_ recognized someone… and he was sitting next to me. "Freeze it!" He did so.

"You don't know anyone from that old portrait, Emmett! You weren't born for decades later! That was made right before the Civil War," he argued and I gave him a pointed look.

"Jasper, you happen to have a copy upstairs. And you're a baby!! And in a dress!!"He actually decided to look at the screen and his eyes widened. The TV turned off with a flash.

"What are you doing?" he asked, glancing at my paper.

"Making a list."

"Ah…"

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**What Emmett Cullen Will Never and Can Not Do **

**1. I will never annoy/prank/make fun of/tease/ taunt (or any other thing that would get her pissed) Bella again. **

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"That's your list?"

"That covers everything, I think," I mentioned, rereading it as the pain took over. I groaned and collapsed back, ready to take it full length. Jasper watched me, pity in his eyes.

"Yeah, I think it does."

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Whoo! Poor Emmett... I really abuse him in my stories. In one, Bella slapped him and nearly cracked his neck (while she was newborn). Later, in the next one shot in that oneshot series (Wood and Diamonds, different scenarios if Bella chose Edward/Jacob/OC) Emmett wanted Edward to either be destroyed or leave. In this I had him torn apart... twice. Here and the last chapter. I'm just waiting for an Emmett fan to kill me. I love him though, don't be mislead! It's just much fun to write jhis reaction!

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